ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sober January is a disaster.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
