She is in my trunk
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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