My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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