We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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