the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
