I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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