My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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