Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
