I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
