we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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