Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
