Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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