I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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