apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
