Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
