Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
