It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
