it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
