Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
