Already got asked if we're dating
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
