Can Purell be used as lube?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
