His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
