oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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