I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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