You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
