just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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