Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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