I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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