You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
