??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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