I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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