if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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