you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
