I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
