she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
