I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
