It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i came on her dog
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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