So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
