I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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