I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
