DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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