NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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