Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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