I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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