I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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