Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
