the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do herpes really smell.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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