It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
