My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
