he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
