well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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