Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize