i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
