i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
