Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
