She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
