I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
